I cannot forgive. I am incapable of forgiveness.
In my last post I mentioned having difficulty forgiving someone who hurt me deeply. Through my Logopraxis study, I learned that the reason I'm having such a hard time forgiving this particular person, and bringing my thoughts to the Lord is because I am not the one who forgives. And neither is the Lord for that matter. When I first heard that statement, I admit it took me by surprise. What do you mean the Lord doesn't forgive? The answer is the Lord doesn't forgive because He is forgiveness.
You have wronged me, and you owe me.
Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors...
I realize now that I didn't quite understand fully what it means when we ask the Lord to forgive us our debts. Below is an audio clip from David Millar in response to my submission where I talked about the difficulty I experience with forgiveness.
"On the question of being able to forgive others" from ACV6 S17 by David Millar. Released: 2018. Genre: Life Group 3rd Round.
This new understanding, letting go of holding the other person accountable to me, makes so much sense and it explains why I have had such a hard time with this person. I have not been able to let go of that sense that this person owed me something for all the pain and suffering I endured because of their behavior.
I assumed that I could forgive simply by understanding that I have no control over the behavior of others, so I cannot be responsible for what they do, only how I respond to their behavior. I thought forgiveness came from this intellectual understanding.
I have no control over your behavior, therefore, I forgive you.
Wrong. And this is why forgiveness for this person was impossible. I had not let go of holding this person to account, therefore, the pain, the resentment, and the anger resurfaced over and over again. So now, instead of focussing on my forgiveness of this person, which I now understand I cannot do, I pray for the Lord to free me from holding the account, lift me from that burden and out of that hell.
For a wonderful sermon on Forgiveness by David Millar, click on the link below.
The Lord's Prayer: Part 6—Forgive Us Our Debts